Having fun but with a few questions

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We finally had some good wind (10 to 15 knots) on the upper CHESAPEAKE bay. Before we set out, we reefed the main. We had lot of speed but we felt that we were under conrol. Here are a few questions for those have more sailing experience with Capri:

1. At what wind speed do you reef?
2. When situation is getting hairy, do you ease the main and jib before heading to the wind with the tiller?
3. We got some good size waves (2 to 3 feet), the boat handled well. Do you have a upper limit that you will call quit?

On flat water 18-20 knots of breeze is about it for me to be able to safely tack the boat upwind, but I don't have a reef. Jib stays in, play the main sheet. With 2-3 foot waves, it would be tough to race in 17 knots up. I go in when its not fun anymore and capsizing almost happens on every tack.