Was just doing the gardening and a bee somehow got into my jeans and stung me on that spot between my family jewels and bum hole. Sitting on the couch with a ice pack down my pants. Think im going to throw up..
It's called the perineum. I believe I can top it with a childbirth story--breech baby (feet first) hanging half way out of me and one push away from a brain damaged boy. No anesthetic. A surgeon with scissors. I repeat, a surgeon with scissors.
Needless to say, I feel your pain. Get well soon.
P.S. The "boy" has a PhD in Chemistry and works with organic electronics.
P.P.S. There's not much a Laser can do to me that bothers me.
Piece of cake. Woke up one day at 5am with an itching feeling deep in my ear. It felt like something was moving around in there. Next thing you know, incredible inner ear pain. It felt like something was drilling a hole through my ear.
All of a sudden I'm beating my head with my hands to try and get it out - it's purely an autonomic response - I can't control it. All of a sudden I get that feeling and run to the can. Everything's coming out both ends as my body tries to flush out the intruder in my ear (another uncontrollable autonomic response).
I get up and can hardly stand. Loss of balance. While waiting for the ambulance it feels as if something is trying to drill into my brain. I'm still beating my head with my hand so violently that it freaks out people waiting with me and when they ambulance attendants show up they get prepared to restrain me because they think I'm on crack or PCP...
At the hospital the ER doctor looks in the ear and sees blood. All he can see is blood behind the ear drum. He tells me to return to my regular doctor and aggressively investigate this because blood behind the ear drum could mean anything, but mostly, that it might be blood trying to leak out my ear which means bleeding somewhere behind the drum (which is your brain!).
I go to my local doctor, explain the situation, he looks in the ear and also sees blood. He says it's hard to see what's exactly happening. He refers me to a ear specialist who gets me in the same day.
I explain to the ear specialist what happened and he said the symptoms just don't make sense. The loss of balance and the pain are typically gradual - you don't wake up one morning like that. It just doesn't fit with his years of experience...
Specialist thinks about it for a minute and then the light goes on! He says, hang on, I think I might know what it is. He grabs a micro-vacuum cleaner, jabs it in my ear and I can literally feel my ear drum stretch out towards the vaccum.
Couple of seconds later he says Aha! Thought so. I look at the vacuum and what do we find???
That's a picture of him after he's been sitting in a jar for a couple of years. He's dried up and shrank some so, unfortunately, you can no longer clearly see the big pinchers he was using to try and cut through my ear drum .
The reason he was trying to cut through my ear drum? He wanted to find a nice warm place to hang out and that meant being inside my head nestled up against my nice warmbrain!
Because it was hard to see inside the ear the first two doctors could only see the blood from the burrowing the bug was trying to do. They couldn't see the actual bug for some reason, but each doctor said it was dark - probably because the giant bug was sucking up all the light.
The third doctor (the specialist) cased it. The bug was sitting directly on the drum and because of that it was dark inside. The reason for the loss of balance was because the bug was right on the drum and the drum has something to do with balance.
The reason for sitting on the toilet and having everything coming out both ends (at once!) ? The body's autonomic response to an infection is to flush the body of everything - immediately. (My body was a little off target there, but what do you do?)
Whenever I tell this story someone always says, oh yeah - I had a bug in my ear once as if it's no big deal
This was something I would not wish on my worst enemy. I can't begin to describe the pain and the terror of knowing (actually feeling) something burrowing into your brain and you can't do anything about it. Nothing.
I could never explain, in words, what it sounds like to have one of those things walking around on your ear drum and then as you feel/hear it trying to drill a hole through your ear drum so it can get inside to your brain!
The good news? The Canadian health system.
Ambulance was called at 5 am.
I arrived at the hospital, which is 30 minutes away, and was seen by the ER doctor by 7 am Did the same 30 minute return trip to my local doctor and saw him at 9am. Another 30 minute trip to the specialist by 1pm
Shortly thereafter the bug was removed from the ear drum.
In about 6 or 7 hours I saw 2 doctors, 1 specialist, 2 paramedics at 3 different locations - all without appointments. When they think your brains are trying to leak out yer ears you get priority up here
Having said that, with respect to your crack sting, I feel for you. Nothing involving bugs is ever fun!
Today at 12.00 p.m. CEST, about an hour ago, the famous Oktoberfest began.
With the famous opening ceremony, Munich’s chief-mayor Mr. Christian Ude traditionally opened with only 2 hits to the faucet the first barrel of bavarian Oktoberfest's draft beer and now the world is welcome at 176th Oktoberfest at Munich/Bavaria/Germany (6.000.000 Visitors are expected to come to 14 tents with over 100.000 seats etc.…).
Also, one has to eat broiled chickens and big salty pretzeln, sing loud in a chorus to Bavarian brass band music or modern Oktoberfest traditionals, and finally: dancing on the seats….
Here are the
Ten Commandments for “The Oktoberfest” at Munich:
One is not visiting the “Wiese” or the “Oktoberfest” but one goes “auf d’Wiesn”
To avoid any issues with the big Bavarian waitress auf d‘Wiesn, one better says only: “Noa a Mass” (“Another pint of beer, please”)
To keep your hands pliant for a durable applause, it’s better not to use a set of knife and fork but eat the broiled chicken (“Hendl”) with your fingers. To the waitress you say friendly: “I ess liaba mit da Finga” (“I would like eat the chicken with my fingers, please”)
If one leaves temporarily the seat, and for the seat one has fought strong, one says “I geh Bieseln” (“Sorry, I leave for the closet”)
To the question of others if the free seats next to you are occupied or not, one never says: “Noy” (No), one responses in Bavarian-diplomatic way “Do keman no welche” (“My friends do come soon, sorry the seats are occupied”)
Rule 5 is suspended, if the questioner is the most “Mrs. Perfect” you ‘ve seen ever
Take care if this person is not a decoy, who carries another
a) 10 drunken Italiens or
b ) 5 lit “Europe in ten days” Aussie’s to your seats
Welcome any at your free seats next to you, who obviously own the bigger allotment of free beer coupons
Follow 100% the advises of the tent ushers (One recognizes them at their glassy eyes and their service cap)…Its for your own safety….:0)
Take care and "Fuerti mitanand' "
LooserLu (not a "Bavarian" but a "Westfalian")
P.S. Hompage of the Oktoberfest is: www.oktoberfest.de
”A Mass” (1 pint of 0,75-1,00 Liter of beer) this year “Auf ‘dWiesen” costs 8,40 €, yikes….
I remember to my first visit in 1980 at the "Original Oktoberfest at Munich" = "auf d'Wiesn", "1 Mass beer" did cost 5 Deutsche Mark ( 1 Euro = 1.95 Deutsche Mark) and we thought this was really to expensive for one mug of this high %-alcohol-"Oktoberfest beer".
But for real, now in the big beer tents, "1 Mass beer" is 8,60 Euro andthey often give you only 0,75 liter into the 1 liter beer mug. 8,40 Euro is only the "in the middle" prize all over the festival area ... It is very easy to spend 100 Euros in one evening "auf d'Wiesen".
Here is a funy dictionary for foreign visitors "auf d'Wiesen" at the Oktoberfest at "Theresien"wiese/Munich.